HUMOR: Journalists Jailed, Judges Threatened, Elections Contested — But the GOWN

SIDE-BY-SIDE HEADLINES FROM FUTURE MET GALAS

The Village Green — with help from Claude AI — has helpfully generated a list of headlines for ostensibly serious media sources such as the New York Times to draw from for its future coverage of All The News That’s Fit to Print, aka the Met Galas of tomorrow.

1) TWO MILLION MORE CHILDREN ADDED TO FOOD INSECURE ROLLS; CELEBRITY COUPLE MAKES BOLD STATEMENT AGAINST CHILD HUNGER WITH SWAROVSKI COLANDER HEADPIECE AND HERMÈS CHEESE GRATER BREASTPLATE

Chat GPT image.

2) CONSTITUTIONAL SCHOLAR WARNS ‘WE ARE WEEKS FROM A POINT OF NO RETURN’; FASHION SCHOLAR WARNS, ‘OH, CORSETS WILL RETURN.’

3) ARMED WITH AR-15s, MILITIAS PATROL SIX STATE CAPITOLS; ARMED WITH HOT TAKES ON THE NUDE BODYSUIT, OUR CORRESPONDENTS PATROL THE RED CARPET

4) MIDDLE EAST DEATH TOLL PASSES 50,000; FASHION CORRESPONDENT REPORTS THE VIBE THIS YEAR ‘SURPRISINGLY HOPEFUL’

6) AMERICA REASSIGNS ITS REPORTERS TO YEAR-ROUND GALA COVERAGE; GOVERNMENT TAKES OPPORTUNITY TO QUIETLY SUSPEND MEDICAID

7) PAGE ONE: THE END OF THE AMERICAN E…